What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
