dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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