dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
