he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
