the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
