he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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