is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
3 2 1 whiskey
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
