She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
