Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
