is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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