I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
