I want to make a zoo with you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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