He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
