What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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