we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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