I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
