If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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