I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
