We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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