halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize