Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
