i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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