is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
