I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
