There was a lot of him and a little penis
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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