Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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