i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
