she looked like the before picture.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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