i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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