my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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