He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
