i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
