i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The best revenge is premature balding
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
