I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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