ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
