The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
