Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
