return my video game
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
