Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish my penis had a tongue
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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