I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
