Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
