You made me cry and you don't even care
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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