Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
