he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
