Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
