and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
