you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
