and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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