I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
