You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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