It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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