I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
