so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
