he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I believe in your delicious
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
