respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.