those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion