We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups