He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
