if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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