hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We need to rekindle our bromance
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
