Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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