I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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