I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
