just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
