I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize