Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
wow bdsm is so cute
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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