Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me