I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.