i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.