forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
