id be glad to
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
try to milk me bitch
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