this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
