billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
