do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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