im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
50% drunk capacity currently
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
