Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
high people should be assigned attendants
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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