Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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