I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
