u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
