What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
