What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
