Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
