He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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