Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
