i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
