Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
