so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
