i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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