I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
